Weeks 5 & 6

The theme of weeks 4 and 5 - adjustment! While being extremely happy about being pregnant, I wasn't quite prepared for some of the adjustments. Some were no-brainers and expected (i.e. bye bye red wine); some were not so expected. Let me preface this by saying the internet is an evil, evil place. You can surely drive yourself right over the brink of sanity with the internet. I wanted to research what to expect but also ways to keep myself healthy and what was safe. I am mostly a healthy eater and mostly a healthy person. I work out on a fairly regular basis. Certainly not every day but here and there. So, I had a good start right there. What became tough were the little things I didn't know about - no soft cheeses, no lunchmeat, no caffeine, no advil, no mahi mahi, no herbal tea, no alfalfa sprouts. Ironically, the alfalfa sprouts are what did me in. I may have had a slight meltdown over alfalfa sprouts. I want to be the healthiest I possibly can for my baby but I won't lie, it was hard to have a list of things I enjoy be taken away. I don't want to sound selfish or ungrateful for being blessed with this baby, but hey I'm human! And dammit, I like alfalfa sprouts!!!

These limiations + pregnancy hormones causing fatigue + allergies making me feel miserable (I had stopped taking my allergy meds) + anxiety over well pretty much everything = cranky mama. The anxiety kicked in around week 5. It wasn't so much the health of the baby as it was the what-if's that lie ahead. Will I be a good mom? What is going to happen when the baby is born? What is going to happen to my body? What's it going to be like with Chris & me after the baby? I have a good & happy feeling about the baby and about the baby's health. I was scared about the rest of it. I'm a planner. I like to know what is ahead of me. I like to plan it down to the last detail. I have a tough time with the unknown and great changes. I always have. Even when I was young, I would have a tough time with any type of change in routine. Thank God I always had such a stable home life or I probably would have fallen apart at the seams! Being pregnant and becoming a mom have more what-ifs and unknowns than I have ever experienced in my life. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember but the reality of it weighed heavily on me.

As week 5 started rolling into week 6, I started to feel the weight lifted. Maybe the hormones abated a bit or maybe I'm just accepting the unknown. I am literally training myself to take a deep breath and just be in the moment. A line from our wedding song (which Chris has engraved on his wedding band and I plan on having tattooed in the future), is "Stay in this Moment." A mantra I try to remind myself of. I am going to be a great mom. Life will be different and wonderful. Chris & I will love each other even more than we love each other now. All positive and wonderful things. I still don't know the breakdown of every detail and I am learning to be okay with that. I am now able to just focus on one day or one week at a time.

I am learning to adjust & adapt. I called the doctor's office and found out coffee in moderation is okay. So half decaf/half regular is what I have. I found out I can take Claritin and Tylenol for my allergies and headache. Score! Decaf regular tea is okay. Most cheeses are just fine if they are pasteurized. I am enjoying more creative lunches than a plain ole sammie everyday. This adapting thing is working out fantastically well!

I am just so, so, so happy and fortunate to be IN this moment and I want to treasure it. I will get to the other stuff when I get to it. I will be open to everything that lies ahead of me. I am meant to be a mama and a great one at that.

p.s. Now I'm going back & forth on boy or girl. Before I felt very strongly it was a boy. Now... not so sure!!!