How I'm Feeling

Forgot to mention this part! I have been pretty tired the past few days but other than that (knocking on wood) I am feeling pretty darn good. The past day or two I got a couple waves of very mild naseau but definitely nothing to complain about knowing what some women go through. My mom said she wasn't sick with either my sister or me (which we always wondered if she was sugar coating) so I am praying that I follow suit! The only downside with that is it would be nice to have such a sure fire sign the baby is doing well. I know I'd be a nutcase to wish for barfing haha. I have the fatigue, the crazy ole hormones and still some of that stretching in my abdomen so I will rely on those are good indicators. My doctor's appointment is a week from tomorrow (tomorrow is actually the start of week 6) and I CANNOT WAIT! It will be such a relief to have the doctor confirm everything, give us accurate info not from the internet, answer questions, just everything. I am really praying we get to listen to the heartbeat. Fingers crossed!!!

Weeks 5 & 6

The theme of weeks 4 and 5 - adjustment! While being extremely happy about being pregnant, I wasn't quite prepared for some of the adjustments. Some were no-brainers and expected (i.e. bye bye red wine); some were not so expected. Let me preface this by saying the internet is an evil, evil place. You can surely drive yourself right over the brink of sanity with the internet. I wanted to research what to expect but also ways to keep myself healthy and what was safe. I am mostly a healthy eater and mostly a healthy person. I work out on a fairly regular basis. Certainly not every day but here and there. So, I had a good start right there. What became tough were the little things I didn't know about - no soft cheeses, no lunchmeat, no caffeine, no advil, no mahi mahi, no herbal tea, no alfalfa sprouts. Ironically, the alfalfa sprouts are what did me in. I may have had a slight meltdown over alfalfa sprouts. I want to be the healthiest I possibly can for my baby but I won't lie, it was hard to have a list of things I enjoy be taken away. I don't want to sound selfish or ungrateful for being blessed with this baby, but hey I'm human! And dammit, I like alfalfa sprouts!!!

These limiations + pregnancy hormones causing fatigue + allergies making me feel miserable (I had stopped taking my allergy meds) + anxiety over well pretty much everything = cranky mama. The anxiety kicked in around week 5. It wasn't so much the health of the baby as it was the what-if's that lie ahead. Will I be a good mom? What is going to happen when the baby is born? What is going to happen to my body? What's it going to be like with Chris & me after the baby? I have a good & happy feeling about the baby and about the baby's health. I was scared about the rest of it. I'm a planner. I like to know what is ahead of me. I like to plan it down to the last detail. I have a tough time with the unknown and great changes. I always have. Even when I was young, I would have a tough time with any type of change in routine. Thank God I always had such a stable home life or I probably would have fallen apart at the seams! Being pregnant and becoming a mom have more what-ifs and unknowns than I have ever experienced in my life. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember but the reality of it weighed heavily on me.

As week 5 started rolling into week 6, I started to feel the weight lifted. Maybe the hormones abated a bit or maybe I'm just accepting the unknown. I am literally training myself to take a deep breath and just be in the moment. A line from our wedding song (which Chris has engraved on his wedding band and I plan on having tattooed in the future), is "Stay in this Moment." A mantra I try to remind myself of. I am going to be a great mom. Life will be different and wonderful. Chris & I will love each other even more than we love each other now. All positive and wonderful things. I still don't know the breakdown of every detail and I am learning to be okay with that. I am now able to just focus on one day or one week at a time.

I am learning to adjust & adapt. I called the doctor's office and found out coffee in moderation is okay. So half decaf/half regular is what I have. I found out I can take Claritin and Tylenol for my allergies and headache. Score! Decaf regular tea is okay. Most cheeses are just fine if they are pasteurized. I am enjoying more creative lunches than a plain ole sammie everyday. This adapting thing is working out fantastically well!

I am just so, so, so happy and fortunate to be IN this moment and I want to treasure it. I will get to the other stuff when I get to it. I will be open to everything that lies ahead of me. I am meant to be a mama and a great one at that.

p.s. Now I'm going back & forth on boy or girl. Before I felt very strongly it was a boy. Now... not so sure!!!

My Eggo is Preggo!!!

It's (mostly) official - I'm pregnant! I don't have my first doctor's appointment until March 1st, but all (4) of the pregnancy tests came back positive. Crazy. Absolutely crazy. This really appeals to the non-patient side of me! First month and it worked. I guess our timing was right on haha.

To backtrack... Friday morning I woke up at 6:30am (which is WAY before my wakeup time) from some really crazy dreams and what I thought was just heartburn. I sat up and felt extremely naseous. And not in the "oh I feel a little pukey" sense; more like the "holy crap I'm going to be sick" sense. I went downstairs as to not wake Chris and sat on the couch trying to talk myself out of being sick. After about 20 minutes, I felt a little better. I didn't have a fever. I hadn't eaten anything weird the night before. Although I though this was way too early for morning sickness, I couldn't think of any other reason for feeling that sick that suddenly. I'm going to CVS and I'm buying the stupid tests is what I thought to myself. Off I went.

It's funny how buying a pregnancy test, even when you're married, still seems a little shameful. I was pissed I forgot to put on my wedding rings before I left and I have no idea why I felt that way. Like the 18 year old kid behind the counter really gives a crap whether I'm married or not. I still felt like I needed to grab some other stuff as to not appear as though I solely went in for a pregnanc test. Milk & alka seltzer it was. So weird. I got home and took the test. Attempted to wait a full 3 minutes. Went in and there it was - a stupid faint line. And when I say faint, I mean am I even awake yet or am I making things up in my head? I walked out of the bathroom and back in the bathroom. Faint line. WTF?? Chris woke up a couple hours later and I told him of the faint line and he (of course) calmly stated, just try it again tomorrow.

Saturday morning. Couldn't sleep. Kept thinking about the stupid faint line. Got out of bed around 8:30am, went downstairs since Chris was still sleeping (meanie). Took the test again. Faint line. But not as faint! There was a line. A most definite line. I needed a second opinion. I ran with the pee stick in my hand up the stairs and fell running up. 1) I hate doing that anyways because it's embarassing and 2) way to start your pregnancy off by falling on the stairs! I woke Chris up and made him look at the line. "That's a line," he replied. Thanks Chris. But it's still faint, argghhhh. I called Katie. She says what I already knew from google research - any line is a line. But, like me, she was still nervous to really confirm anything. Katie tells me to get a digital test. They straight up tell you "pregnant" or "not pregnant." Chris & I did errands and stopped by CVS and (less shamefully) picked up the digital tests (2 pack). I had said I wasn't going to take the test until Sunday morning. I snuck off and took it late Saturday afternoon (see: patient post). Little hourglass flashed...thinking, thinking... "Pregnant." SHUT UP! I walked out of the bathroom and say to Chris - "I'm pregnant." Haha. There it is. No denying it. Plain language. Crazy! At this point, we told our immediate families who obviously flipped out. I think everyone was a little surprised (except Katie who predicted this) that we got pregnant so fast. I even took another digital test Sunday morning just for fun and "Pregnant" came up in under a minute. I'm (un)officially pregnant! I know the doctor tests you again so that's why I saw unofficial, but for all intents and purposes - I'm pregs.

Chris & I are still wrapping our heads around it I think. Chris is calm. He is happy but calm. I am happy but nervous. I have had a tough time sleeping the past few nights. It's more difficult because I don't feel all that different and I wish I could feel more as I think it would help me believe it a little more. I still get nervous that it's for real. The only thing I have felt has been some cramping and some stretching of muscles in my abdomen. Nothing painful, but pretty noticeable. It's just a crazy notion, the whole thing. I am just delighted. As I now am trying to cut things out of my diet (like coffee, for now, which hurts my feelings), I tend to get even more nervous with the responsibility of being healthy for this little one. Being healthy for me was easy. And when I didn't want to be healthy, I only had myself to worry about (or a couple extra pounds to gain). Now, I found myself at the grocery store looking for more organic food and watching more what is going into my body and wanting to be a healthy mama for a healthy little one. It's such an amazing but nerve wracking job! I really can't wait until I see a bump growing and can feel my little one. I'm just so excited for the journey. And this time, I'm going to try to be a little patient and enjoy the ride.

Oh one last thing - early prediction - it's a boy :)

p.s that is a picture of the test from Saturday morning and that 2nd line was darker than the first test. I guess a line really is a line haha.