Back in Business

I'm back!!

And it only took a year haha.

What a crazy year. That is an understatement of GREAT magnitude. Ups and downs and all arounds. My goal is to blog once a month to just give some fun Adelaide updates. 

To sum up the last year - amazing, scary, difficult, joyful, demanding, rewarding... 

Motherhood is truly the hardest job I have ever had. The beginning of the journey was not as I had expected. It was so very hard. This little creature demanded every fiber of my being and every ounce of my strength. There were many times I did not feel as though I was up to the task. This broke my heart on many occasions as being a mom is the thing I wanted most in life. Expectations are a tricky thing. They can fill you with hope and they can fill you with guilt. 

Unfortunately, the majority of the first few months were filled with guilt over EVERYTHING. I struggled. I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD). I went to counseling and started medication. I have no shame in this. I keep it private because I am a private person but I am willing to discuss it with anyone who asks - especially new mothers. I feel as though I now have this obligation to be nothing but honest about being a mother.

As the counseling helped my feelings & the medication helped me balance out (and be able to sleep when she slept), I started emerging as the mother I wanted to be. I always loved my Adelaide but I was so consumed with this anxiety and guilt that I couldn't relax to enjoy being in love with her. That finally began to change and I got to enjoy watching this marvelous little being develop in front of my eyes.

Big changes occurred. Chris left his job to stay home full time with Adelaide. After a month in daycare, he felt as though he hardly got to see her with his schedule. I was utterly lonely working from home. Daycare was a second mortgage. The decision for Chris to leave his job was made and it is a decision that was the best for our family. Shortly after, Chris needed to have his gallbladder removed. The next few months were difficult to say the least. Chris is still recovering from a difficult surgery. He decided to go back to work part time now that she is a little older and I am so proud of how he is balancing all of this along with his recovery. He is an amazing father. 

Over the past year, I have developed a bond and love for Adelaide I never imagined. It is what the movies portray. It is what I had dreamed of when thinking of becoming a mother. It is true love. I look at her face and I can't believe that we brought such a miracle into this world. Every day it amazes me. Every day she makes me laugh. The happiness she brings both Chris and me is unparelleled.

I have begun to feel like myself again which is a great blessing. I strive everyday to become the mom I want to be to Adelaide but I don't have the weighty expectations hanging overhead. I have learned to enjoy the day, enjoy the moment, enjoy my daughter. We learn together and we teach other. 

I will be back with her birth story and some photos and 12 month updates! It's good to be back :)