Oops, fell a litlte behind on the good ole blog! In my defense, we have been busy bees the past few weeks and I got a virus on my computer that had my internet down for almost a full week (how I survived, I'll never know). But, I'm back! And with an incredibly long post!
8 months in! Wow. Unbelievable. At the same time, I sort of can't believe we have another 8 weeks to go. Time went so fast in the beginning and it is really dragging onnnnn now. I am certainly feeliing large and in charge now haha. There are definitely no, "is she pregnant?" momemnts like the 1st trimester (looking back on that makes me laugh; I really thought I looked like I had a belly). Katie says you get body dysmoprhic disorder at this point and think everyone around you is skinny. She might be right about that! I even look at pics of myself from before I was pregnant and think wow, how could I think I looked fat in that picture? I was nothing! It's like reverse self esteem booster or something haha. All that aside, I do love my belly, but it really does make it more and more difficult to get comfortable when I sleep and in general. Lugging around this belly makes me feel exhausted by the end of the day. I try to keep pretty active but have definitely noticed a difference even when going for a walk. The weight really presses down hard and it takes more and more energy to get this body around!
I'll backtrack a bit to our last doctor's appointment which was when I was 31 weeks exactly. We had a very routine checkup. Weight was 23lbs overall which still has me on track for my goal. Blood pressure good. Her heartbeat good. Doctor went to check her position in my belly..."hmm," he says, "I'm not sure what position she's in. Do you have time for an ultrasound?" Okay, first of all hearing your doctor say "hmm" is always a little disconcerting and why would I not want an ultrasound?? He assured me everything is fine; he just needed to get a better idea of how she was lying. Of course this is the appointment Chris isn't at! Last one was in and out and this one we get an ultrasound! Anyway, the doctor does the ultrasound and it's what he thought - she's breech. Breech means (for those non-moms reading) that she is head up and legs down. Not the position she is supposed to be in for delivery. We have up until 37 weeks for her to flip herself around. Most babies will on their own. If she does not flip on her own there are two options: ECV or Version where the doctor manipulates my belly from the outside in order to attempt to turn the baby or a scheduled C-section. If we opt for the Version and it doesn't work or she flips herself back then we're back to the C-section anyway.
So, not exactly how we had planned this whole birth process to go! She still has a few weeks to do it on her own and maybe she will. I have a sneaking suspicion she won't. The funny part is, she now seems to be in a transverse position or sideways. I could be wrong, but it feels like there is a hard bump on either side of my belly button and my belly is not super firm above or below, just on either side, which makes me think she is sideways. A sideways baby. She is a character already haha. I have my next regular appointment on Friday so we will find out if she has shifted at all. We are now in the process of researching what goes into a Version and the risks versus having the C-section. As the doctor said, she may flip on her own and we won't need to worry about any of that but I want to be prepared and my feeling is she's not budging. From what I can read about the Version, it is very low risk to mom and baby. It would be performed in the hospital. They would give me a shot to relax my uterus as to prevent contractions. The doctor then would literally put his hands on my belly and try to turn her. I have read that if the first attempt doesn't work then the subsequent attempts probably won't either. They can go so far as to give you an epidural if they continue to try. The biggest risk would be to start up labor at which point I would need a C-section because she would still be in the wrong position for "natural" delivery. My main concern is not so much for myself (as I don't think it would really be painful as much as uncomfortable) as it is for her. It just seems like a very aggressive thing for little baby. I need to talk to the doctor more about it but my initial thought is if they thought that there is a good chance it could turn her (it's about 60% success for breech and 90% for transverse) than maybe we would consider it but I would want one attempt only. If she doesn't move after one attempt then she is not meant to move. And then it's on to the C-section....
C-sections make me nervous. I know plenty of women who have had them and thank God I don't think I have heard one personal horror story yet. If you know one, please do not share it with me! They make me nervous for several obvious reasons: it's a surgery (I've never had one), there are even more unknowns than with natural delivery (as far as I've been exposed to) and the recovery involved. I think I am most nervous about the recovery. The idea of being laid up and generally helpless after having this little baby concerns me. I want to take care of her. I don't want others needing to take care of me. I know even after regular labor and delivery you still need to take it slow and there is obviously recovery involved in that too but I know more what to expect from that. The hospital stay is longer (which I won't lie, even with my insurance we still need to pay per day and I wasn't looking forward to paying for 1 or 2 extra days on top of the regular 2). There are just things I wasn't interested in experiencing haha.
Now, I realize I could get a bunch of lectures/pep talks explaining to me that pregnancy and childbirth are full of the unexpected, I get that, but I highly doubt anyone I know who has had a baby went into it thinking "I'm going to get a C-section and I'm cool with it." I also realize that C-sections happen quite often and quite successfully. I get that too. I know that people recover and are totally fine after. Yup, get that too. However, I have a limited time off of work. Chris has a limited time amount of time off work. We need to "recover" as quickly as possible. I want as much time off of work spent with her in enjoyment and not restricted. Yes, the unexpected happens but that doesn't mean I don't wish for what I WANT to happen. If we need to go the C-section route, that's what we will do. And, I'm sure it will be fine and I'm sure I will enjoy my time off with her regardless. I just still need to wrap my head around the possiblity. My reaffirming factor in all of this is that she would be just fine. She will come out perfect and happy and healthy. And that means an immense amount to me and I want to do what is best for her but I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking of me in this too! We'll wait and see. In the meantime, I just keep reading as much as I can.
Now on to weeks 31 into 32. We traveled up north to go to my cousin's wedding. Travel was tough this late in the game. I must admit I felt exhausted most of the trip. It was more physically demanding than I imagined. I had a wonderful weekend but it took a lot out of me. I am still glad we went. We got to take Charlie to the 4H fair and play with him and spend time playing. We went down to Kent Island outside of Annapolis for the wedding which was absolutely beautiful. The place was wonderful and my cousin and his new wife looked incredibly happy. It was just tough not feeling like myself. Normally, I'd love to have a couple cocktails and live it up on the dance floor and I just didn't have it in me. I actually had to walk outside for a bit after dinner because I didn't feel well. That was frustrating to me. I'm not used to feeling like that. There were a couple other pregnant ladies there who were about the same as me and they seemed to be faring much better which frustrated me even more until I reminded myself that I had just flown up a little over a day ago and then sat in a car for 3 hours just prior. I think I need to cut myself some slack. We walked around the town of Annapolis for a little while and again that was frustrating. I couldn't keep up with Katie and Chris how I normally would up and down the hills and in and out of stores and I hated that. It is hard at this point to accept that I just need to slow down. Not that I live some crazy, rockstar life haha but even regular things I like to do I need to do slower. I physically am unable of doing them how I did them before. I think, more than anything, I am growing ever more ready and anxious to just have this little girl in my arms with me on my adventures and outside of my belly!
On to my letter and a story of my dramatic exit from PA...
Dear Adelaide,
Mama gave everyone quite the scare the other day. I was coming down the stairs at your Pop-Pop and Grammy's house. Your daddy was carrying our suitcases down and I had a bunch of glasses in my hand. My feet slipped on the last couple of stairs and I felt myself falling forward. I was so scared baby girl. I knew I would do anything so you wouldn't get hurt. It felt like time slowed down to a crawl. I remembered reading something in a book that said I shouldn't be carrying anything on the stairs that I can't feel like I could throw if I fell. So, I threw those glasses - far! I turned my body around as hard as I could so that I landed on my side and not on my precious belly. The glass had shattered and I cut my hands up when I put them out to brace my fall. I was scared. I saw blood on my hands and I felt so helpless. Your daddy scooped me up as if I were as light as a feather and carried us into the other room with your Pop-Pop trailing behind with a towel for my hand. Your mama was shook up but I don't think half as much as your poor daddy. The color seemed to drain from his face and he was shaking more than me. Your daddy and Pop-Pop cleaned up my hands and you gave me a blessing. You kicked and moved and shook up my belly as I sat there getting bandaged up. The relief was instantaneous. I am proud of myself for being able to protect you. I am proud of your daddy for being able to take care of us. I don't want to test either ever again! We love you so much and we would do anything to protect you before, during and after you come into this world. I promise to slow down. I promise to listen to my body and when it tells me enough is enough. I promise to take care of myself which in turn is taking care of you. We got checked out at the hospital to be on the safe side though your daddy and I knew you were okay. I had felt you moving the whole trip back and I just had a sense that you were fine. While we were listening to your heartbeat, the nurse commented, " you have one happy baby there." And I listened to your strong heartbeat and felt you squirming and kicking the monitors like the little bug that you are and I knew she was right.
All My Love,
Mama
