Patience: Part 2

No, seriously. This sucks. Ever single little twitch or tingle I analazye to the nth degree and it's maddening (for everyone in this household). I think I am driving Chris into insanity by asking him if he's nervous. And he never is. And I just don't get it. And the closer I get to being able to take the test the more I think to myself how much this would suck to have to do every month. Sigh.

Patience

Patience has never been a strong suit of mine. Chris, on the other hand, seems to have it in spades. Since I have known him, he has always seemed to be content in between the milestones unlike me who was just dying to get to the next stage. I have always found this to be an admirable trait and I am thankful that as least one of us possesses it! Chris is on his own life schedule and I have learned to trust the bus driver, so to speak. We didn't get engaged until he trusted in the timing and that we were prepared. We always knew we would marry and being a woman and feeling the pressure from the outside and I had a difficult time sitting and back and just enjoying where we were in life at that moment. But, as we planned the wedding and when the moment arrived, it was undeniable that this was the right path and that this was the correct timing.

Fast forward a tad, and now we are at our next stage - starting a family. Again, being a woman, I feel as though I was ready to hurry up and get on with the show but Chris slowed me down. We moved, bought a house, stabilized with our jobs so that one day all it took was "okay, we're ready." And that was that. Such clarity! I am almost mystified by how black & white he is able to be and I honestly wish I could be more like that in my head. Clear out the clutter and what-if's and planning and just believe my gut is right.

So, here we are. Month 1 of "trying." I thought I would have a tougher time even saying the word, "trying," for how intimate it feels and how much I guard personal information, but it doesn't feel awkward. It feels right. Away goes the mental clutter. This is where we are - trying. I am quite calm right now. More so than I thought I would be. I don't believe I overanalyzed dates and times and the like. I was aware, don't get me wrong, but I didn't want it to feel clinical. I was proud of myself for that. But now the true test begins... waiting. Patience. At least 2 weeks to find out. That will require some effort. I am in a rush to get to that next step. I need to just savor the moment and try to remember what this felt like. To know that this was something we decided together, at the right timing, at the right point in our lives, and feel confident. To clear the clutter and enjoy the peace of being lucky enough to be in the position I'm in. To savor the uncertainty a little. To let the excitement and possibility creep in. I can say I might not have such an optomistic and positive outlook if the trying carries on. I may have a different post altogether. But, for now I'm learning "patience is a virtue." I'd add my own cliche here, "patience takes practice." I'm working on it.